Bitter tears, dark and full of malice
falling dreams, pooled in white light
my dreams, fanciful and horrid
startle me into existence
I heard, felt, tasted and wept
as the image of today swelled
breaking over me like the sea, tepid
these soulless beings, without warmth
compassion-less; they bravely hide
darkening the light of childhood.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Chapter One - 1633 wc
Into the Darkness
An Andrew Dane Novel
Chapter One -
Andrew glanced at the small,
unobtrusive clock on the bookshelf for perhaps the tenth time in that many
minutes. Trying to look attentive, he smiled and nodded as the voice droned in
the background. An intake of air, left index finger pushing his glasses back
into position, he leaned forward; a beat, then the voice paused, and he
pounced.
“Well, James, I can understand your
frustration. As we have talked about before, you have to break this cycle of dependence
on her. Your mother isn’t trying to run your life; you simply are allowing her
to. Remember, you control your future and your mother, I am sure, would want
you to feel comfortable with that.”
“But, Andrew, she keeps pleading
with me to be there for her. I can’t just abandon her, she needs me.”
“I am sure she does; however, think
about your life. We both have agreed that she wants you to find happiness. You
must find the balance between your existence and being there for her. Moving
into your own apartment is the first step toward liberating the both of you.
You will find that you are better prepared for it than you know.” Andrew smiled
his best “you can do it grin” and then rose slowly from the chair.
“What I want you to work on is your
plan to move out on your own. Your thirty-seven, I have no doubt that; tough
though it may be at first, you can make out very well. Give both you and your
mother the chance to spread your wings.”
James looked about the small office
and sighed, picked up his backpack and made his way tentatively toward the
door. “Should I make another appointment for next week?”
“No James, I have been seeing you
for far too long for this weekly visit issue to return. You can do this; I know
you can. Come back next month and we’ll see where we are then, okay?”
Okay. That settled, Andrew escorted
James to the lobby and nodded to Vanessa. “Van, set Jim up with an appointment
for the first week in January; also, call his mom and let her know that he’s on
his way home.” Turning to James he said, “Have a great holiday, James and tell
your mother we said, Merry Christmas. I’ll see you after New Year’s, okay?”
Without waiting for the usual
hesitant response, he clapped James Uebelhor on the back and whisked him out
the door.
Sighing as he closed it, he shot a
dark look at Vanessa. “Why in the world did you schedule him for Friday
afternoon before Christmas? You know he does this every time. I think you hate
me.”
“OMG, Andy, you act like dealing
with Jimmy is the worst thing in the world. Heck, at least he keeps you busy.”
With that she burst off a peal of good-natured laughter and stuck her tongue
out at him. “Now, shoo! I can’t bolt out of here early if you’re just gonna
hang around and wait to catch me. Go!”
“Wait,” Andrew said handing her a
bag, “Merry Christmas to the world’s worst receptionist.”
The bag was black, almost
non-descript; however, he had no doubt Vanessa would not only know what it was
right away, but would be able to estimate the exact cost.
“Oh, Beaux Chevaux, how nice of the
boss to treat.” Vanessa spent more time down at the small salon in the office
building than at her own desk.
“Have a Merry Christmas Van, give
Will and the kids a hug and I will see you on the third. I am Florida bound.”
With a jaunty wave of his hand, Andrew Dane stepped out of the office and
hurried to his car.
The late afternoon traffic was
starting up and Andrew knew that he was going to have a fun drive on the Lloyd
tonight. Evansville wasn’t a huge city, but the traffic could get nasty quickly
on a Friday, especially with a holiday just a few days away.
The Fiat 500 ducked into an open
slot on the westbound expressway and started toward home. WIKY was playing
“Linus and Lucy” for the billionth time and Andrew grimaced at the all-too-familiar
tune.
As the song faded, the local DJ
began an intro to a report of a school shooting in Connecticut and the
giddiness that Andrew had been feeling waned. Thirty young children killed by a
mentally ill gunman, and just a few days before the shooting at the mall in
Portland. Merry Christmas; yeah, right.
Taking his exit, he screwed on his
smile and tried to push it to the back; compartmentalize it. Mandy and the kids
didn’t need to be bummed too. God, when would they start taking mental health
issues more seriously?
Dane wasn’t against guns, not
per-se. He owned one and carried it; but, the idea that assault weapons could
be purchased by anyone with a mental disorder just made absolutely no sense at
all.
Pulling into the driveway, he could
hear Noel greeting him in her customary fashion. He was sure by now; she had
torn the backyard up completely and eaten at least one of his three children.
. Mandy waved as he got out of the car,
and he could tell she had been watching the news. Her eyes were shimmering from
the tears and he knew she was wondering how she would react if it was one or
all of their children. She forced a smile and gave him the thumbs up. She was
okay.
Dane stood for a moment just
watching her, her dark brown hair with its blonde highlights, the trendy
tortoise shell frames around her dazzling blue eyes. God, he still loved her
after all this time. It always seemed to catch him off guard.
Naomi was the first one out the door
and she flew into his arms, kisses flying about his face like a swarm of sweet,
warm mosquitoes. “Hi daddy! Mommy says we’re all packed. Nick tried to hide his
homework, but mommy found it. Lindsay says she has a new boyfriend and Noel ate
my crayons.”
Carrying his three year old into the
small house, Andrew dropped her with a plop into his big oversized recliner.
Her shriek and accompanying giggles announced his arrival to her siblings.
“Daaaaaaddy! Can we go play
basketball before dinner? Mom said to
ask you, and I have been waiting all day for you to get home.” Nick was
practically pinging off the walls as he blurted out his request. Like most
children his age, he had an overwhelming flair for the dramatic; Andrew looked
at him a moment pointedly and arched an eyebrow. “I got most of my homework
done.”
“Most? Have you finished your dissertation
young man?” Andrew had been kidding Nick about his dissertation since he was
three.
“Oh, brother, I don’t want to go to
college. I want to be a fireman; you don’t have to go to college for that.”
“True, but you do have to climb
ladders.” Nick hated heights.
“I could sell peanuts at the Otters
games.” His six year old suggested. Andrew burst into laughter and shook his
head.
“Dad, why are boys so weird?”
Lindsay asked walking into the room in an outfit much too tight on her emerging
adolescence.
“Just lucky I guess; who’s weird?”
Andrew queried looking at Mandy.
“Joey; he’s this cute new boy at my
school. He says that coke can clean battery terminals and that people shouldn’t
drink it. I think he made that up.” Lindsay said in her ‘he’s dreamy’ voice.
“Actually, Joey is correct. By the
way, does this Joey have a last name and a current background check?” Lindsay
shot him a look and then barged out of the living room.
After checking on Noel, the family
German shepherd and then verifying that all was right in the realm of the
kitchen, mainly an excuse to kiss his wife and squeeze her caboose, Andrew
changed into his jeans and a sweatshirt and played basketball in the driveway
with the kids.
By the time dinner was ready, the
four of them were silly, exhausted and worn out. Mandy ramrodded them through
the meal, reminding both Andrew and Nick to keep their elbows off the table,
and telling Lindsay that ladies sat up at the table.
Bath, bedtime stories for the
younger two and then tucking them in for bed took another hour and a half;
Mandy, Andrew and Lindsay were then all alone in the living room.
“Lindsay, did you talk to your
father?” Mandy prompted.
“Not yet, I was hoping you would.” His
little girl shot him a guilty look.
“Lindsay would like permission to
skip the Florida trip and stay with Destiny for the week. I spoke with Van and
she said she would love to have her.” Lindsay bit her lip and stared at him
with her big blue eyes.
“Oh, hell. Stop with the puppy dog
eye thingy. Let me talk to Van and Will.” HeI reached for the phone.
Ten minutes later, after both Van
and Will assured him they thought it was a grand idea he acquiesced. Just as he
was wishing them a Merry Christmas; Vanessa said, “Oh, Andy, before I hang-up;
those folks from Liberty called again while you were in your last session. They
need an answer right away.”
“Call them in the morning, explain
the situation but that I would love to treat some of their clients and have
them call when I am back in town. Goodnight Vanessa.” Andrew sighed as he hung
up. “Looks as if we are one child short for our trip to Florida; would you like
us to bring a tee-shirt back for you, a pair of mouse ears; anything?”
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